Old McLaura had a Farm

RE: Spider Webs (If this link doesn't work for you, please let me know.)

I think I've spent my adult life searching for infinite time to do nothing. My goal in my weeks is time to do nothing. Yes, I realize how screwed up this is. I think it stems from the fact that growing up we have so much time for nothingness. Summer breaks, holidays, weekends, etc. for children are just excuses to run rampant or to sit on your bum and stare at the wall (which we know really means staring at the TV). We had no responsibilities, no jobs to be concerned about, no bills to pay. I held on to that for as long as I could. When I was in high school, I didn't get a job like other people, because I knew once I got out of school I would have a job for the rest of my life!

I miss running around barefoot, making up stupid games, playing practically from sun-up to way past sun-down, catching lightning bugs. I miss the freedom to run around and not have somebody needing to know where I was all the time (I was essentially a latch-key kid and had I been given the choice to do childhood over again, I wouldn't have it any other way.) I miss not being crucial to the operation of something, not having somebody needing to know what I know at any given hour of the day. 

As I sit in my windowless office (that by tomorrow will be switched to a gray cubicle) with disgusting fluorescent light beating down on me, 26 to 62 seems like a reallllllllllly loooooooooong time. Of course I knew long ago that it would - remember me not working in high school? I totally anticipated this feeling. I sit and think about jobs. What a weird concept! We were put on this earth to take care of the earth. In the beginning, people grew food and they hunted and they maintained the land that they lived on and that God created. These days we maintain the information that MAN has created. Think about that for a minute! All of the millions and billions of jobs there are in the world and the majority of them are merely keeping up with information that we have generated - shuffling it around and moving it from one place to another and protecting it from other people. Good grief! It's no wonder why people struggle to find the meaning of their existence and the purpose of their lives - all they do is keep up with the things of MAN. 

I guess this is why I find the thought of being a stay at home mom so appealing. It's like stepping back into another time - a simpler and seemingly slower time. Don't get me wrong - I know that maintaining a household is not an easy task but I also know that family and home are more important than maintaining information. I could bear with the hard work of family life with knowing that in its most simple form it is what God intended. Time to take care of a family, to raise children to appreciate what God has created, to see the earth in all its glory. 

Also in the past year or so, I've found the thought of having a farm increasingly appealing. I KNOW ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ABOUT HAVING A FARM. What I do know is that having my hands to the plow, so to speak, just seems right. Having a farm is also hard work and unpredictable and quite a struggle for most families, but I can almost guarantee that those families end each day with a feeling of accomplishment and purpose, satisfaction and joy, even in the midst of wondering how they'll make it through the winter (or whatever the worries might be.) I'm sure they have a better feeling than say I have about working on files, documents, and the internet all day!

I long to have a simpler life where things are not 0 to 60 in under 20 seconds, where I can sit on the porch and watch the sun go down, or walk down a country road without knowing I have to be somewhere in 30 minutes. 

God can bring purpose to what seems to be a purposeless life, but somehow I know that He will give me the desires of my heart. As ridiculous as it seems, we need people in this world to shuffle the information around, and there are actually people in the world that enjoy doing it. So someday I hope God sees fit to let them do what they enjoy doing and let me ride my tractor!  

Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

The Thread of My Personality

If I look at my strengths and weaknesses, I generally end up seeing how they are woven together. I can see how my pitfalls have come into play and how my victories have been achieved.

One such thread of my personality is a little hateful thing called perfectionism. Most people probably have no idea what I'm talking about and probably scoff to think that I am a perfectionist. I try to keep a tight lid on my weaknesses and then again this makes the fabric of my personality, a symptom itself of my perfectionism. Why on earth, as a perfectionist, would I want people to know my weaknesses? Even as I write this blog, I struggle with the thought of posting it and people knowing my struggles. My mind wrestles with the thought of someone using knowledge about my weakness against me. COOL OUT, Laura, COOL OUT! (*with my best Will Ferrell impersonation (which isn't that good)) LOL

I struggle with procrastination and being idle. Now these things you probably have observed in me. However, they are only the leaves of this tree of perfectionism. Ever since I was a child, if I couldn't devote hours to a task or do it just the way I thought it should be done, I just wouldn't do it at all. Perfectionism has been the thief of good ideas and accomplishments. If my room was a mess, but I couldn't devote the time to dust it down to the very last kitschy item, then I simply wouldn't do it at all, and my room would become a disaster area. Sometimes, particularly with my job, if I can't see to the end of the steps or the details, I become completely overwhelmed and abandon the project altogether!

Perfectionism goes hand in hand with detail. Now I know people who are detailed. People who can talk and talk and talk and talk and detail a subject to death. As most of you know though, I am not a talker, so you wouldn't straight out know that I am a detailed person. I am a closet "detailler", so to speak.

I am very keen on comfort zones, which I am now realizing is a result of my perfectionism. Once I start a new chapter of life, it may take me a matter of months or years to develop my system for accomplishing things. I map them down to the details. So if a new chapter to life is introduced, I am not overly thrilled because this means I must map out a whole new way of completing tasks and getting through each day.

It is hard for me to delegate, because, as I've already mentioned, I have developed a system to accomplish a task and to watch or teach someone how to do it the way I do it is simply frustrating.

Frankly on the outside I come off as a pretty laid-back person but on the inside I am tightly wound. I find that I am quite good at allaying other people's stresses, while inside my own stresses/details/tasks are getting the better of me.

I expect a lot from myself and can in turn expect much from those around me. This leads me to my relationship with God.

While God is faithful to forgive my sins and weaknesses, I am not so easy on myself. I hold my flaws and bad deeds against myself, and while I know in my spirit that God has forgiven me so I should forgive myself, my  soul tells me that there is a long list ever before God's face of my misdemeanors. My spirit wants to live by grace, but my soul struggles to live by the Law. I know that if I live by the Law, I will be judged by the Law. Something about my perfectionist nature is drawn to this legalism; I can see in black and white where I have gone off track. Yet my spirit cries out for grace and mercy and to be released from this bondage, but my perfectionism views such a thing like a free-fall... completely out of my control.

Perfectionism is a prison that keeps you from the grace of God. Allow yourself to get lost in the deep of His waterfalls and allow His waves and breakers to wash over you. Lose control of yourself because that's the only way you'll be safe in Him. *Laura says to herself!

These are a Few of My Favorite Things

I was once compared to Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music. I loved it! To some people that comparison would be an insult. However, my mother raised me, so to speak, on The Sound of Music. If I complained of being bored and having no one to play with, my mother knew of six children that would entertain me and in would go the VHS. Of course in my teen years I hated the thought of this movie, but that was probably just a rebellion against my mom at the time. (Simple and stupid rebellion, but rebellion none the less. I did have some hateful rebellious moments, but that's another story.)

Now to some people, looking at me and knowing me, that analogy would be a stretch, but I think at the core of who I am I am a Maria Von Trapp. I enjoy nature and the simple things in life. I love songs and stories. I long for adventure and hope to be someone who rises to the occasion. I think a lot of us at our hearts are just like that. However, the daring in my heart does not always surface to be the daring in my life. I have had occasion where I have pushed past my fear and stormed in the face of the enemy and known just what was coming my way and that I would take it as it came. My first instinct is to say that this was not me but instead it was God, but the truth of the matter is God has put that in each and every one of us. It would be a disservice to Him and His design to say, I am a weakling and I can do nothing. NO! I can do anything, because He fashioned me in His likeness and He created me with a purpose. Whether or not I choose to tap into this nature that He has created is up to me, and when I do choose to tap into it He promises to come up right along side of me and to see me through! Yes "I am weak and He is strong" but that weakness is from the Fall; it is not what God intended. He  made us in his image with the purpose of fellowship with Him. He made us to look like Him; he gave us purpose - to have dominion in the earth. That is not the task of a weakling, but the task of the Sons and Daughters of God!

So often in the struggles of life and in the chaos of society we forget what makes us tick. We forget those things that God has created in us that make us who we are. We are not all  meant to have the same personality, to enjoy doing the same things, to have the same purpose. We are unique. God is a creative God, He wouldn't be much of a God if He had created the same person over and over from the beginning until now. God created us for fellowship with Him and with each other because we all have something different to bring to the table. (1 Corinthians 12:12, Romans 12:4-5, Ephesians 4:16). Most of the time we forget that we are meant to be different and we STRIVE to be like someone else, whether in the church or in society, because we think that's what is expected of us. We forget who we are, what we like, what motivates us, what brings us to compassion, what makes us tick. Those little things in our hearts that bring us joy are the brushstrokes to the paintings of our lives. They indicate what we are meant to do and what our life is meant to be.

Today remember who you are. Remember those little things that make you tick, that make you do a little happy dance in your head. God loves those things about us and I suspect that He does a little happy dance for us when we get to enjoy them. Don't pass up the small things and overwhelm yourself in the "big" things that essentially end up being totally unimportant. God created you to be unique and when we go to Him He wants to see us, not the person that we are mimicking!

And if you think I'm a nerd for being Maria Von Trapp, then that's exactly what I am and God loves me for it! So :P

Who Are These People?

Early Christians - you know those New Testament people - had no predecessors for the road they were walking. Some of them knew Jesus first hand; many were the first people in their families, communities, cities to believe in Jesus and to follow him. There was no example set before them on how to live this "Christian" life except for what they saw the Christ himself do. They moved out of a pure communion with the Lord. "Where you go Lord, I will go. What you do Lord, I will do."

Now, 2,000 years later, there are many who have gone before us. While some of us may become Christians as the first in our families and among our friends, most of us know or knew at least one person taking this journey. Living in the Southern United States means that we see churches on every corner and encounter Christians on a daily basis. And yet, how many of these Christians really are Christians?

I have been confronted with the reality many times of people gladly labeling themselves Christians but not actually knowing much of anything about it. A conversation that goes a little something like this:

Me: So are you a Christian?
Them: Yeah. My grandmother is Holiness.
Me: Ummmmm, ok. (totally dumb-founded)

They don't even realize what they're saying. First of all, I didn't ask you if your mother, your grandmother, your uncle, your brother are Christians. I asked if YOU are a Christian. Second of all, belonging to a denomination does not make for a relationship with Christ.

The other answer to the "Are you a Christian?" question is: "Yeah, I go to [insert church name here]." A church, nor a saved seat at the church, does not make for a relationship with Jesus either.

These answers are undoubtedly always paralleled with a life that most definitely would not reflect the fruits of the Spirit.

As Americans, and particularly as "Bible Belt" Americans, we have been raised to know that being a Christian means morality. It is the foundation that our nation was built on. Therefore, it is in our best interest to be a Christian. After all, Granny and Grandpa were Christians. It must be one of those inherited things. It's in our bloodline. So, we must be Christians, right?

Christianity, like any other religion, is meant to be a set of beliefs that make up how we live our lives. I believe this ____, so I do this _____. However, a disturbing number of people have no idea what they believe as Christians, or if they do know what they believe, they don't live it every day of the week. Christianity is NOT a Sunday morning ritual. It is NOT simply for the preacher. You are NOT to leave the Bible reading and the prayer to the pastor. And whatever you do should be reflected in every aspect of your life - home, work, school, play, etc. And even in your politics! (The Lord didn't say, "If you love me, you will obey my commands, but you can vote however you want to because I'm not a part of politics.")

Are we calling ourselves Christians and yet we have no idea what His Word says? Are we calling ourselves Christians but we don't do what His Word says? Do we go to church on Sunday but forget about God the rest of the week?

Let's crack open our Bibles. Let's sit in fellowship with the Lord. Let us figure out for ourselves, based on the Word of God, what He said and what we believe. Let's not be those people that give Christianity a bad name because we profess to be His but we live like we are the enemy's.

One finger pointed at you, three pointing back at myself!

Talk Don't Change a Thing

The Temper Trap - "Fader"
First of all, check out this band. I love them. I love this song, "Fader." Not only does it have a great sound, but it has a great line: "Talk don't change a thing."

I think one of the major pitfalls of modern Christianity is our need to talk or listen to someone else talking. We go to church on Wednesday nights and listen to the preacher talk; we go to church on Sunday mornings to listen to our Sunday school teacher talk; we go to service on Sunday morning to listen to the preacher talk; we go back to church on Sunday night and guess what? We listen to the preacher talk. Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.

Preacher, teachers, evangelists, etc. have all been gifted to speak, and yes most of them have taken the time to sit down with the Lord and hear what He has to say. So the messages that they speak are typically from the heart of God, and we, as the church, as Christ's body, need to hear what is being said. However, we are in danger of burn-out. The spark becomes a flame, becomes a fire, becomes an inferno; the fuel burns up and there's nothing left but embers.

A word in due season is stirring and beneficial, but simply listening to timely words doesn't change a thing. Christians are like sponges listening to the Word of the Lord. We can soak up and soak up, but eventually we either have to be wrung out, letting the water flow somewhere else, or we can sit, be fat, and let the water become rancid. Then we become rancid as well - useful to no one.

Words without action are useless. Hearing a word and knowing that it applies to you and knowing that you must do something to make the change and yet doing nothing, is useless. Talk don't change a thing. Timely words joined with the Holy Spirit makes for a will power, determination, resolute heart and mind. Words must be combined with the power of the Holy Spirit to affect change.

We must, in all we hear from the Lord, whether it be from a preacher or from our own communion with God, resolve to change what we can, be it big or small. We must resolve not only to be hearers of the Word, but also doers. We must resolve not to be merely seat fillers at church, but light bearers to the world.

If all we do is take up space at church and our lives never make that gradual change towards perfection in Christ, then we must take a look at our hearts and find out what we really believe and what we must do about it.

Eternal Prayers

I am one of those crazy people that believes that a prayer can last, that it can cover it all. What I mean by this is that I believe a prayer whispered or thought once concerning a subject is all it takes for God to hear it and run with it. Call me insane or present me scripture that says otherwise, I would like to hear it. But I believe, for instance, that if I say "Lord, bless my father." That that prayer could run throughout his life, that even twenty years after I've prayed this that the Lord will still be blessing my father in various ways because of that single sentence.

I believe that when Paul told us in 1 Thessalonians to "Pray without ceasing" that he didn't mean that God forgets so you need to pray the same prayer over and over because he must be reminded of what you have asked of him. No, prayer without ceasing is for our benefit, and reminding the Lord of what He has said is for our benefit. It is 1) to keep us in constant communion with the Lord and 2) to remind ourselves of who He is and what He can do. When the answer comes, you will know without a doubt that it was the Lord's doing.

Now I have been a Christian since I was very little, I vividly remember asking the Lord several times to come and live in my heart (probably because I just wanted to make sure the bases were covered... just to make sure he stayed there! haha). So in all of these years, I know I have prayed countless prayers. Some prayers when I was a "little bit" have probably carried me my whole life.

God is so funny how he can speak one thing to me and it be so significant and then seemingly says nothing else just leaves me to reflect on that one piece of wisdom. The other night at church I was reflecting on the seasons of life he has taken me through and the season that I am now. The season that makes me squirm, that makes me feel like an ant under his magnifying glass, that makes me want to run and stand still all at the same time, frankly I hate this season. Now I know I am the advocate for being thankful in every situation, but I am the advocate because it's a theme in my life, it's probably the one thing I must learn for this grand scheme of his to fall into place. And then in the midst of reflecting and wondering why, He said it, "Did you ever think that the season you are in is me answering a prayer you have prayed?" Oh Geez, God, you just opened a can of worms!

It doesn't really matter what prayer I prayed, this season could be a culmination of several prayers that were prayed. Frankly the only thing I can think of is "God, strip everything away from me that isn't of you." Wow, thanks for that one, Laura ! And the answer to that seems to be bringing everything to the surface in my nature and in my heart that is not of His Spirit. Then the next step is me wallowing in it until I can't stand it any more and leave it all to Him. Pretty good plan.

The Road to Restoration

Jeremiah 33 (The Message (to Laura, that is :) )

Things You Could Never Figure Out on Your Own

 ¹ While [Laura] was still locked up in jail, a second Message from God was given to [her]: ^2-3"This is God's Message, the God who made earth, made it livable and lasting, known everywhere as God: 'Call to me and I will answer you. I'll tell you marvelous and wondrous things that you could never figure out on your own.' ^4-5"This is what God, the God of Israel, has to say about what's going on in [your life], about the [common things and the mighty things] that have been demolished, about all the ravages of [spiritual and emotional] war and the killing [of your spirit] by the [enemy], and about the [things around you I have destroyed] because of my raging anger—about all that's happened because the evil actions in [your life] have turned my stomach in disgust.  ^6-9"But now take another look. I'm going to give [your life] a thorough renovation, working a true healing inside and out. I'm going to show [you] life whole, life brimming with blessings. I'll restore everything that was lost to [you]. I'll build everything back as good as new. I'll scrub [you] clean from the dirt [you've] done against me. I'll forgive everything [you've] done wrong, forgive all [your] rebellions. And [you] will be a center of joy and praise and glory for all the countries on earth. They'll get reports on all the good I'm doing for [you]. They'll be in awe of the blessings I am pouring on [you].
 ^10-11"Yes, God's Message: 'You're going to look at this [life], [this] empty and desolate [spirit of hers], and say, "A wasteland. Unlivable. Not even a dog could live here." But the time is coming when you're going to hear laughter and celebration, marriage festivities, people exclaiming, "Thank God-of-the-Angel-Armies. He's so good! His love never quits," as they bring thank offerings into God's Temple. I'll restore everything that was lost in [her]. I'll make everything as good as new.' I, God, say so.
 ^12-13"God-of-the-Angel-Armies says: '[What once was desolation to you will] become [life]. ... God says so.

A Fresh and True Shoot from the David-Tree

 ^14-18"'Watch for this: The time is coming'—God's Decree—'when I will keep the promise I made to [Laura]. When that time comes, I will make a fresh and true shoot sprout from [her tree]. [She] will live [her life] honestly and fairly. [She] will set things right. That's when [she] will be secure and [she] will live in safety. The motto for [her life] will be, "God Has Set Things Right for [Me]." ...  ^19-22God's Message to [Laura]: "God says, 'If my covenant with day and my covenant with night ever fell apart so that day and night became haphazard and you never knew which was coming and when, then and only then would my covenant with my servant [Laura] fall apart ..."
 ^23-24God's Message to [Laura]: "Have you heard the saying that's making the rounds: 'The [daughter] God chose he disowned'? And have you noticed that my [daughter is] treated with contempt, with rumors afoot that there's nothing to [her] anymore?
 ^25-26"Well, here's God's response: 'If my covenant with day and night wasn't in working order, if sky and earth weren't functioning the way I set them going, then, but only then, you might think I had disowned [my daughter] ... But as it is, I will give [her] back everything [she's] lost. The last word is, I will have mercy on [her].'"

For a long time now, I have heard these words in my spirit "The Road to Restoration", and I, being the nerd that I am, would always think that that's a pretty good book idea, but I never got any more words to go with it. Just "The Road to Restoration", those words alone are enough to bring hope, but too quickly the enemy seeks to steal the seed that is planted and too quickly do weeds spring up to choke the life out of what God is trying to grow. Too many worries and excuses try to take its place and as quickly as it comes, the light of hope is snuffed out.

Sometimes when God cannot reach us with comfort, with hope, he will reach us with a harsh reality. The reality is this: Take the road to restoration NOW, or suffer the road to destruction. Whatever you had, whatever you think you have now is gone; it has run out and you have deceived yourself to think that it will last you forever. In other words, whatever fruit you had has dried up and fallen off the tree. You cannot sustain a tree that you don't allow to grow in the light of the Son or nurture with water from the Wellspring of Life. Your life is a barren waste.

Regardless of the harsh reality, regardless of the image reflected back from the mirror God holds to your face,  there is yet a sense of hope. God is offering His hand, first with a light slap on the bottom, but then as a means to help you get to your feet. "Why are you downcast, oh my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God!"

Down whatever road you go, whatever path you stray down, God continues to offer a fork in the road to lead His children back to Him and back to the life and purpose that He has for them. I know God is calling me to restoration, and though it will be difficult, I will walk this out.

Deep Calls to Deep

"Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me." Psalm 42:7

Psalm 42 is possibly my favorite of all the psalms. When I listen to songs, particularly secular songs, I love to pick out the ones that there seems to be a heart-cry for God. Usually, I'm sure the lyricist doesn't even know that the thing that he's searching for and singing about is Yahweh, but I get some sort of satisfaction in knowing that they are singing about HIM. Psalm 42 is one of those that just speaks of the deepest part of man that needs the deep things of God. Lord, I may not know who I am or what I am doing, but all I know is that I want to know you and be close to you.

Psalm 42:7, as beautiful as it is and as much as I love it, has never ceased to puzzle me. I try to wrap my head around what the psalmist was professing about God in this scripture. I was finally able to grasp at least part of what is being said here while I was watching TV last week. I don't even remember now what show it was.

The man was talking about when he was a child and had ended up being dragged down by the waves not far off shore from a beach. He struggled and he struggled and the more he struggled the harder it was. He finally just let go. He gave in to the waves and they carried him back to shore.

It is all in letting go. Maybe I couldn't understand this scripture because I don't know how to swim and have especially never been to swim in ocean waters where there is a current and power in the waters. However, I do understand the feeling of fighting against a force that is sometimes unseen. Kicking and struggling and pushing against it trying to find my bearings. Yet the safety and security is truly in surrendering to the force. Of course, God and the works of His kingdom are the only ones that should be surrendered to.

I've come to recognize that a lot of my thoughts and actions are the result of me pushing against some force that is trying to invade my space and my way of life. It is me trying to keep control of what little I understand because introducing anything else will totally disrupt my understanding. I push so much and have done so for so long that I know giving into the waves and allowing the breakers to wash over me would be such a relief. Not only will they carry me to where I truly need to be but they will also wash away everything that doesn't need to come with me.

"As the deer panteth for the water, so my soul longeth after thee. You alone are my heart's desire and I long to worship you." ... and let go of myself!

Just Don't Knock Me Off

A while back a friend had given me this scripture:

Psalm 27:14 " Wait on the Lord: Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord."

Then the next day, I was going to post a scripture on my computer at work just so His Word would be in front of me all day and encourage me. So I reached into this little booklet of cards that have scriptures on them, and what scripture do I pull out? Psalm 27:14

Of course I say to myself, "Lord, you must be telling me I'm in the waiting room?" I'll be honest - I hate the waiting room. I think we all do. Do do do, I'm waiting, I'm waiting, I'm waiting... The music in the waiting room is becoming obnoxious. It's not music, it's muzac. The magazines are lame... I'm not in the mood to look through Tech Geek, or whatever other drivel is laying around. Not to mention there are sickies in the waiting room. 


Ok so I pretend I'm not in the waiting room, and I forget to acknowledge that little scripture card for a very long time. Yesterday, I finally read Psalm 27:14 again, and I remembered the waiting room. At which point I think BOOOOO! But it reminded me of something that someone else told me a few months ago, "Laura, God put you on a shelf." What a devastating thing to hear! Doesn't that just sound like the biggest disapproval rating ever? God put me on a shelf. GOD PUT ME ON A SHELF! GOD PUT ME ON A SHELF? Yes, those are my exact thoughts. 

So then my self-appointed waiting room became my God-appointed shelf. I can't figure this shelf out. You end up in a waiting room when you've become sick from floating around out in the world, or when you need a check-up just to make sure that everything is in working order. But a shelf?! I see God handling me, looking me over, and then putting me up on a shelf... not one that's down low or at arm length but one over his head, up high. A shelf so high, that you can't tell that there's dust beginning to cover it. *ahem *Ahem *AHEM God, did you forget about me?? 


Now, don't get me wrong, I am aware that my walk is not perfect, that I do unreasonable things sometimes. But since when does God use the perfect and logical? I guess the good thing about being on the shelf is that God put me there, I didn't earn my spot there by being an idiot. At least I hope not anyway. He just stuck me there until He's ready to use me. But maybe his point is to knock me off, so that I'm completely shattered and so He can piece me back together. There I say, "Lord, we've done that before."


I'm blithering, but there you have it. At least I'm writing. Yet another entry for my Mike Birbiglia-esque "Secret Public Journal". 

Destiny and the Man on the $1 Bill

So I was watching "America: The Story of Us" last night on the History Channel. Very cool program, especially the episode about the American Revolution; now when it got to the pioneers and the Donner family, I had to stop watching. It went from "Yay, America!" to "Boo! Yuck! Cannibalism!" really quickly.

I gained a new respect for George Washington by watching the piece on the revolution and by listening to some things that my dad, the history buff, told me. Inevitably if you ask someone if they could meet anyone who is no longer living, that person will usually list George Washington as a prime candidate. Now I always thought that that was totally unimaginative and probably the only reason they listed him is because they see his face on dollar bills everyday. And frankly I always figured people never knew much about him to justify that response. Really I've never known enough about him to want to meet him. Of course I had great respect for him as a Founding Father and as the first President of the United States, but that was about it.

I now realize the divine hand that was over Washington's life. The character and wisdom that he possessed and the experiences that he went through positioned him and made him the best candidate for leading this brand new nation.

One story that my dad told me I believe occurred when we were still being ruled by the British and Washington was serving as a Colonel (at about age 27, mind you) in the army. He was the only person on horseback during a battle, which makes any person an excellent target, especially when that person is a commanding officer. Without regard to that however, Washington rode back and forth behind his troops to keep them together and to encourage them to hold the line. This of course helped to save their lives, but was without consideration of his own. He rode back and forth behind them the entire battle. When the battle was over, he had more bullet holes in his coat than could be counted. Wow! God had definite purpose for this man, preserved his life, and gave him the determination, wisdom, and courage to help save the life of his men!!

The second story my dad told me occurred during the Revolution in a battle with the British. Washington had rode out in front of his men and raised his sword to signal to fire to start the battle. At the same time Washington was doing this, the British commander was raising his sword as well. The colonial militia and the British army fired at the same time. Of course with the guns at this time, the field immediately filled with smoke. Meanwhile, Washington was still in between the armies! The colonial militia held their breath waiting to see if their commander was still alive. The smoked cleared and there still on his horse, unharmed, sat George Washington!

I'm sure there are stories and stories like that of Washington. There is no doubt in my mind that he was meant to be the first president of the United States of America. There was favor on his life!

Rut Writing

"Rut Writing" sounds like something Scooby Doo would say... (which I actually watched on Cartoon Network the other day because they were at Loch Ness! hahaha)


I'm calling this rut writing, because I have been in a rut, not merely prosaically but also spiritually. Go figure, right? So that's what's wrong with Laura! LOL. Inevitably when faced with the question of what I think I ought to be doing, the answer comes back resoundingly - WRITE. I need to be writing a book. I get ideas for books, for titles, for passages, and yet to put pen to paper, or rather fingers to keys, is a bit like 'pulling teeth,' as my mother would say. This has happened to me since I was young when I realized that I enjoyed writing - I start to write a story or a book and get to the end of the first page, and well, that's the end.


SO in an attempt to find the book inside ( <-- cheesy, huh? :), I am going to write myself out of a rut, or blog myself out of a rut. I am going to try to do this thing at least weekly to get the thoughts flowing and maybe eventually have something that could be somewhat considered a book.
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"The humblest praise most, while cranks & malcontents praise least. Praise almost seems to be inner health made audible." C.S. Lewis


C. S. Lewis was a genius. His thoughts never cease to amaze me because they are usually things that I've noticed but never paused on long enough to consider or to put into words. The above statement is no exception. 


I am a firm believer in the physical reflecting the inner. Case in point would be a messy and cluttered house being the reflection of a cluttered mind. Of course this is something my mom always taught me... Laura, your room is a reflection of what's going on in your mind. Sadly, many Christians live in a world of disorder, and yet our God is a god of order. 


To return to the quote at hand, I believe it is pretty safe to say that those who are 'cranks' (what a great word lol) and 'malcontents' are those who have not found satisfaction in their daily lives because their daily lives are run by themselves. *one finger pointed at you and three pointing back at myself. Humility is the ability to say, "Lord, I have no clue what I'm doing. I'm nothing in myself. I need you so much today that if you don't step in I will fall flat on my face." When you humble yourself to such a degree, the victory that blossoms from the day, becomes a rose of praise that you offer back to the Lord. 


My first thought on this though was not praise towards the Lord, but instead praise to others. Yes, we must humble ourselves before God and give him thanks for all He is and does, but also out of this will flow praise for others. It is the ability to recognize in other people God-given talents and abilities and to lift them up in appreciation when they set their hands to work. An ego-maniac (otherwise translated, a person who keeps their lives to themselves instead of surrendering to God) has no ability to appreciate/build-up/congratulate another person for a job well-done but rather will either tear someone down or build themselves up. 


When we find ourselves in jealousy and discouragement at the success of others, have we truly humbled ourselves before God? When we find ourselves unable to praise God, have we truly reflected on what He has done for us and in us? 


Need to do a spiritual 'house-cleaning'? Start with a little reflection on his goodness, mercy, and grace... a little praise does the body (and the mind) good!!

Baby Ruth

So I'm rolling back to Ruth as I said I would.


I think everyone loves the story of Ruth, particularly the ladies, because it's a story of love. It is the making of an ideal situation in the middle of a not-quite-so ideal situation, sort of a Cinderella story. First of all, Ruth apparently has a phenomenal relationship with her mother-in-law, something that I think most girls hope for, because we all know the stories of mothers-in-law that seem to be sent straight from the underworld to make your life a misery - case in point, Marie Barone on Everybody Loves Raymond. I'm not married so I don't have a wicked mother-in-law story. 


I love my own mother too much to even grasp the idea of being so close to my mother-in-law that I would want to leave my home, family, and friends to be with her wherever she went. Perhaps Ruth's life was  in shambles before she met Mahlon, Naomi's son. I once saw an old movie about Ruth, and though not corroborated by the biblical account, it portrayed her as a priestess in the temple of a Moab god where she assisted in the sacrifice of children! YUCK! So yeah, if that had been my life before I married a man of a God-fearing - or should I say, Yahweh-fearing - family, I would probably want to skip town too.


Somehow I think that it was more than the family and more than Naomi that persuaded Ruth to make this journey and total life-changing decision. Orpah, after a little reluctance, finally turned and went back to her home, to her family, to her comforts. How many of us are just like Orpah? Seemingly, she was only half-heartedly invested in this family. The appeal of the familiar called out to her and she answered the call. I must say I can sympathize with her. Not only in the physical world but also in the spiritual realm, my comfort zone calls my name and I quite often give it attention.


Then there is Ruth. She is steadfast in her decision, the only direction she will go is in the direction that Naomi is going. She had invested her life in this family and, dare I say, in this God of her in-laws. She was sold out to Yahweh. How could she stay in Moab when she knew what she knew about the Lord because of this family? Moab held no promise for her, but Israel, Israel was the land of promise! How little she realized at that moment how much promise there was for her. God had a husband for her in Israel - a kind-hearted, hard-working, God-fearing, prosperous man. 


And with her husband, Boaz, was the promise of children. In her line would be the greatest king of Israel - David. But even more than that, would be the King of Kings! Can you imagine? She belonged to a gentile nation, a nation that had been at war with Israel, and yet the Lord saw fit to have her grafted into the lineage of THE CHRIST! AAAHHH I'm tearing up just thinking about it! How humbling! Ruth is a picture of how even the gentiles have a share in the inheritance of God's Chosen People, as Rahab before her was also a part of this great lineage. 


God plucked Ruth out of a wicked nation for in her he saw integrity, devotion, character. He saw a heart that He could use for his purpose in the earth!!! Simply Amazing!

Greatness

I have been stuck on Ruth for who knows how many weeks. No, I don't have a crush on a girl named Ruth, you sicko. Nor have I had a fascination with Babe Ruth, I'm not a baller :)


I have been reading the book of Ruth over and over, and totally noticing things that I've never picked up on before or haven't quite grasped in the same way as I am now (thank you, Holy Spirit). Everyone focuses on Jesus as the kinsman-redeemer or dwells on Ruth's famous pledge to Naomi, and like other scriptures that have been sermonized it's easy to not look beyond those things. However, I don't really want to go into what He's been showing me in my reading; I'll save that for another day.


I just came across a quote: "Those who are different change the world. Those who are ordinary simply keep it that way." Now let me preface what I'm about to say as I have to do with most things that I say, because sometimes my thoughts don't quite jive with everyone else's': to the person who posted this quote and to those who know who posted this quote - this is not an affront to you. I know your heart, and I know that for you to have posted this it struck you in a way that only God could. You know that I love you, but you also know that my thought processes are weird. :) This is by no means an insult to you but just how it hit me. However, if you so wish, we may schedule a time to meet in a parking lot somewhere so that you can beat me up... when I was in high school, the place to do this would have been the Country Crossings gas station at say 6:00? :)


Ok, back to the quote:  Those who are different change the world. Those who are ordinary simply keep it that way. So upon reading that, I think to myself 'inspirational,' but then as it sets in it kind of ticks me off. (again, I must say that you don't tick me off, just the way I interpreted it ticks me off - Country Crossings 6:00?) Why did that tick me off? Maybe 'ticked off' is too harsh a word, let's say 'bothered'. It has too much pressure associated with it. In my thought processes, I suddenly find myself with a huge weight on my shoulders. I MUST DO SOMETHING TOTALLY AWESOME AND CHANGE THE WORLD OR I AM NOTHING AND HAVE DONE NOTHING FOR GOD! OH GEEZ!!! Panic ensues. 


But then I think back to Ruth. Did Ruth stand before the masses and preach a rockin' sermon on the Lord's divinity??? Did Ruth build a home for orphans??? Did she lead an army in God's name? Well sure, she could have... she could have done all of  those things and more! But what is she remembered for? What did the Holy Spirit impress upon someone so long ago to record for the ages to know about Ruth? She was faithful to a widow (indeed when she was even a widow herself), she worked hard, she was humble, she had character and integrity, and the Lord redeemed her for it. That's all. And YET she changed the world! She was grafted into THE bloodline, the greatest bloodline of all! She was a part of the family tree of Christ!


So my encouragement is - don't get hung up by your perceptions, but perceive as the Lord perceives. See the bigger picture. Those who are different change the world - We are different as we belong to the Lord and are a part of His Body. He is what makes us different. Christ uses ordinary people for ordinary things that have extraordinary results. You may simply be cooking a meal for someone whose family is in the hospital today, but the effects of that could be eternal and phenomenal. Don't forget that there is purpose in the small things! We won't all stand before thousands like Billy Graham, or walk on the water like Peter, or lead an army like David, but we may just, like Ruth, live our lives faithfully (even in the simplest things) so that they bring glory to His name!!!

"And what does the Lord require of you, But to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God?"

Everyday Christian

Christianity is too hard! There I said it... what of it? But don't get me wrong, it's not the Christ who has made Christianity difficult, it's the Christians who have made it so.


CS Lewis said, "What we want is not more books about Christianity, but more books by Christians on other subjects." What I want to focus on about this statement though is the fact that we say too much. We write too much and speak too much. We have too much to say about how people should be 'doing' this thing called Christianity. We make it too hard to keep up with our lifestyle because we have so many theories and formulas of how to do it right. Now I'm not saying that all of the books, TV shows, sermons, dramas, etc. have not been inspired by the Holy Spirit. What I am saying is sometimes we need to turn it off (not the Holy Spirit, actually that's what is left when you turn it off)... turn off what everyone else is saying. Declutter your soul and spirit of the words of everyone else. Take the complexities and turn them into a simplicity. Run to the root. The root is the Word, the wellspring, the original of God's inspired words to man. Because where do all Christian books, TV shows, sermons, dramas, etc. flow from? They flow from The Bible (or at least they should, because if they don't line up with the Word, we've got another problem on our hands). 


Simplify. Simplify. Simplify... that might actually be my favorite word, because in it lies the connotation of relief, unburdening, destressing. Simplify your life by going to the root. Get in the Word and know what it says for yourself. Drop all manner of formulas and hocus-pocus. Faith, Hope, and Love is what it boils down to. There's no formula! It's knowing His Word and spending time with Him and all other manner of this Christian walk will find its way with each step. Know for yourself what He says and you won't need 10 million how-to books!


Smith Wigglesworth only ever read the Bible and never wrote a book... and yet his walk with the Lord was one of the most powerful!


Now having said this I feel like I must back track. Reading the Word reveals that we need the Body of Christ to help us live... so what I'm saying is, you cannot rely solely on the body because the Head is what gives the body direction! 


(Side Note: Sometimes I don't make sense, because my thoughts find it hard to make it to paper and express what I'm really thinking. In fact, based on what I've just said in this blog, you shouldn't read what I've just written anyway HAHA.)

Can't Resist

I came across a blog last week, or should I say Stumbled across a blog, and the lady had posted pictures of places she would like to travel to. She called it 'travel porn'... of course, I totally thought that was hilarious, but I also realize making that the title of this blog would probably make for some interesting comments HAHA.

Anyway, here's my list of places I would like to go!!!

1. Scotland - I know we all know that I have a major jones for Scotland. So of course, it's going to be numero uno, or should I say 'aon'. I especially love coastal towns - don't know why, they're just charming!

And of course, can't go to Scotland without trying to find Nessie.

2. Ireland - pretty obvious, huh?? 

Ok the rest are in no particular order.

3. Greece

4. Myanmar (Burma) - random, I know... this one is for reasons that I don't want to get into, but ask me about it sometime, maybe I'll tell you, maybe LOL

5. Maine - yes, Maine... I want to sit in a little seafood shack by the ocean and eat lobster... I've never had it before. I really don't like the ocean, so my desire to visit coastal towns is strange, I don't understand it myself.

6. Texas - because I want to pretend I'm a cowgirl, that's why! HAHA

and I could live in a random teepee.

7. Italy - minus creepy Italian guys :D

8. Australia

TO BE UPDATED....

True Time Management

True time management is this - children who do their homework on the bus ride home so that they have the rest of the day to do whatever. This begs the question, what has happened to my ingenious time management skills and my ability to see what is really important in life? My elementary school brain, even wracked by the infinite hours of listening to history, English, mathematics, science, etc. lessons, knew what was important - play time, free time! Why should I go home and waste time doing homework when I have plenty of time just sitting here on the bus to get it done.

Well, now I'm the one driving the 'bus' so to speak (actually I drive 'The Beast' and I would take a picture of it and post it here, but I left my keys in the ignition over the weekend and drained the battery :S ).

I don't have the brain power right now to follow this thought to completion... TO BE CONTINUED

Life is Beautiful

Every now and then, when I'm at work, I suddenly have this burst of warmth and positivity like the sun is coming out (much like today!). At the center of this wonderful feeling, is the thought that "Life is Beautiful". This usually comes out of nowhere for no particular reason at all. I don't have to be in a particularly sunny mood, but then there it is. It may last a few moments and then fades away, and sometimes it carries me the rest of the day.

I love that feeling, so much so that I wish I could hug it and squeeze it and pinch its little cheeks, but inevitably I'm left with that wonder of 'Where did that even come from?"

Sometimes I say things that are not quite "spirit-filled", let's just say - for instance if I were to ram my toe into the leg of the coffee table or if someone were to cut me off on the road. Deep gasps coming from all around, I know. In such cases, my mom would say "That's an overflow of your spirit, Laura." Thank you, Mommy. "Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks." When you feed your spirit garbage, garbage comes out. When you feed your spirit truth, light, and life, those very things come out.

I think that when you have Christ in your life, whether he's at the forefront or if you've pushed Him slightly to the side, every now and then that part of your spirit can't help but declare Light, Life, and Beauty. So there it is, out of my spirit cries the Holy Spirit, "Life is Beautiful!" Enjoy it, breathe it in, soak up its rays, and know that your time here is but a vapor.

Happy Medium

I'm sure I'm the only one with the "The Grass is Always Greener on the Other Side" (hence forth referred to as GAGOS, because that's just easier to type) mentality. You're probably thinking that no you don't wish you had someone else's life, you like your life just fine, because everyone has their own problems - to be in their shoes means trading one set of issues for another. Good, then we're agreed, because that's not the greener grass I was referring to. HA I tricked you. :) I know I'm a misleader, haha I can't help myself sometimes.


Actually I have the GAGOS mentality , when it comes to circumstances in my own life. When I'm in one situation, I wish I was in the alternative situation, and when I get to the alternative situation, I wish I was back in the other situation. Confusing, huh? I know, welcome to my thought processes. Allow me to elaborate with situations that actually happen to me on a frequent basis - this should be fun.


A) When I didn't have a job, I was stressed out trying to find a job and wishing that I had one. Now that I have one, I wish I didn't - wish I was free as a bird. (I'm sure this one is a shared feeling, or maybe not, because I know some people actually enjoy working for The Man.)


B) When I'm busy, I wish I could be lazy and do nothing. When I'm doing nothing, I wish I was busy. (This example is more work related, because when I'm off of work, I have no problem doing nothing. :)


C) I wish I could be a missionary and work in a foreign country. When I was, I wished I was at home.


OK, are you with me on this ride now? There is nothing new under heaven. This is not a new feeling that only I, Laura Schaefer, wrestle with. Paul said, "What I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." Not exactly what I'm talking about, but it shares the same principle: wrestling between a fleshly desire and a spiritual desire. The battle in my mind is here or there, this or that. So where is my happy medium?? No, I'm not saying I want to compromise my spiritual desire to incorporate my fleshly desire, but that somewhere in between these is a middle ground of peace and success. 

GAGOS leaves you with a feeling of total dissatisfaction, confusion, and stress. "This is not what I want to do, that's what I want to do." "This is not where I want to be, that's where I want to be." It makes your heart sick. Hope deferred makes the heart sick. 


Here comes the remedy. "The remedy is the experience." Thank you, Jason Mraz for those words of wisdom. And not just the experience, it is being satisfied in the experience, whatever it may be. 'But you just said that you are not satisfied in either situation.' Exactly! HAHA Being satisfied in the experience requires being thankful in the midst of it.  


If we walk the road that God has for us, even if we make a few mis-steps along the way, he has purpose in the steps. He has purpose in the situations and experiences. Be thankful for them, even if it's not where you want to be, because they lead to something that will probably be more than you could hope for. Thankfulness is the happy medium between what you think you want and what he wants, between where you want to be and where you are. 


Now let us not forget, that "He's still working on me." I am working on this. Every day, every moment a conscious decision must be made to be thankful and (to go back to my previous blog) in so doing you will be redeeming your time!


This blog is probably more me talking to myself than anything, reminding myself of the truth. Writing really is a therapy. So to steal a phrase from Mike Birbiglia, this is kind of "My Secret, Public Journal." 


"Rules for Being Human" by Cherie Carter-Scott  #6:

"There" is no better a place than "here." When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."

Ryan Adams "Words":

"If everybody's grateful, how come nobody is satisfied?" 

Why the Name???

You're asking me why the name (now you're thinking, I didn't ask you, but whatever moves this conversation along (or this crazy monologue along)). why the name? Why the Name?? WHY THE NAME??? Just kidding, false anger. :)

Back in the day my handle was lolofrets... my nickname growing up was lolo and well, she frets. Hey I thought it was funny. But I also realize that there is power in a name and power in a word. While she still has her worries (I told you He's still working on me, notice me switching back and forth between first and third person LOL), my name "Laura" actually means Victorious Spirit. Good stuff, right? I thought so. LaLa is my nickname these days, unless you knew me in the old days and then I'm still LoLo, but whatever. LaLa Victorious

I believe in knowing the meaning of your name because it is a significant look into God's hand in your life. I can look back on my life and see that red rope weaving its way through, much like Rahab's rope, and leading in its path protection, peace, and victory. I can look back and see where He spared me from embarrassments, risky situations, and decisions that would have had lasting consequences. I know we all have those things in life, because that's why He came to save us. 

I know that Christ has many more victories in store for me. There are small victories and there are large, momentous victories. I count on one of those momentous victories soon, but I know that to get there there will be many small victories along the way. 

We've just switched into Daylight Savings Time. Save the days: "Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days." OR "[Redeem] the time, because the days are evil." I love that scripture because the connotations are of accomplishing something in the midst of what is going on around you. There may be chaos spiraling around you, but in the center of it you are preparing, establishing, completing what has been set before you. You are doing something good in the midst of evil; you are saving the days.

I admit I have not been doing a good job of redeeming my time. I get caught up in things that need to get done and things that I want to do, that I forget (and yes, sometimes choose to ignore) what good He has for me to accomplish. How much more complete, successful, joyful, VICTORIOUS would we feel if we actually did those good things He puts before us? I'm not even saying that He's requiring you to redeem the time by starting a ministry (maybe He has, but that's between you and Him) or some other equally humongous task; I'm just saying that there are even simple things in our days that we overlook, ignore, forget to do. Slap a smile on your face - it may brighten someone's day. Send a note to a friend - they may need that encouragement today. Help someone finish a job that they are rushed to do. Spend time reading the Word - it is the Wellspring of Life and you cannot accomplish the rest without this. I could go on and on, but I'll stop there.

I challenge you (and myself) 1) to know the meaning of your name - it's no coincidence that that's the name your parent's chose for you - it may give you insight into the pattern of your life, and 2) redeem the time... spring into Daylight Savings Time. 

Laura Lee Schaefer

Victorious, Prosperous Shepherd (Good one, Lord! :) haha)